“No birth is the same.” I knew that… but I didn’t know how to live that.
My first child was born at home in Hawaii. I had a planned home birth and a very long labor. My birth story was exhausting and beautiful. I knew if I were to have another child, I would definitely have a second home birth. There was no other way for me.
After I got pregnant the second time, I reached out to the midwife who attended my first birth, Mari, and started planning for my second home birth.
My pregnancy went by in a flash. Maybe it was because I was chasing a toddler around, or because it was my second time around, but before I knew it I was close to my delivery date. It was a healthy pregnancy with no complications or concerns. Although Mari had to really push me to exercise regularly.
Fill the time.
During my pregnancy, my birth attendant, Mari, knew how anxious I was to hold my baby.
As I got close to my due date, I remember her saying “fill the time.” She meant go out to the park, to exercise, or go to the beach for a swim instead of waiting around for the baby to come.
I heard, “your son’s birth was about 18 hours, you called the birth team too early, so you better ‘fill your labor time.”
What I didn’t know was just how much time.
Day 1 - A wave of calm
The day before labor started, I felt a wave of calm.
I had only one work meeting after which, I was alone. My partner, Dustin, was at work. My first born child was at school.
The air felt still and everything was in slow motion. I was gliding along with this overwhelming sense of peace.
As I was getting into bed, I told Dustin, “this is the calm before the storm.”
Day 2 - Contractions
I started feeling contractions in the morning.
I brushed the sensation off as really strong Braxton hicks, or practice labor pains.
I believed that labor definitely hadn’t started yet, and if it did, it would be hours before anything serious happened.
As the contractions continued, I replayed my version of Mariʻs advice, “stay busy and fill the time.”
So that’s what I did…
How I filled the time
- 7:45am Drove Mason to school. I did breathing exercises through each contraction, breathing in for 6 and breathing out for 6.
- 8:15am After dropping off Mason, I stopped at the gym and did the stair master for about 20 minutes, one step at a time and breathing my 6 counts through the contractions.
- 9:15am As I drove home from the gym and as the contractions came, I thought to myself “hmmm it is getting hard to drive through these contractions.” As that thought came into my mind, I called my dad and asked him to drive me to Costco to get a TV mount for our bedroom. I had to get the TV mount so Dustin could put up the TV in our bedroom and I could watch TV after birth.
- 11:30am My dad and I left for our Costco run. When the contractions came, I just did my breathing exercises throughout the aisles of Costco.
- 2:30pm We got home from Costco. I went back to work. I emailed my co-workers to help me with the revisions on our report. At one point, I called them and told them I couldn’t make the revisions because the labor pains were getting stronger.
- 3:00pm Texted Mari “Braxton Hicks contractions have been quite intense today… nothing consistent but feels different than yesterday.”
- 3:45pm Dustin and Mason come home from work and school. I don’t really remember anything specific we did together. Dustin must have put up the TV mount in our bedroom.
- 6:00pm Got a text from Mari, “just checking in.” I responded, “feeling okay. A little slow… lol. Kinda tired. Going to sleep early. Is there anything I should be keeping track of?”
- 7:30pm It was time for my child to go to sleep. Dustin read him a bedtime story and put him to sleep. I went to the bedroom, lied down, and kept breathing through each wave of contractions.
- 8:00pm My midwife responded, saying “Keep us informed if anything major changes. Praying you get nice great sleep in case labor happens.” I tell Dustin, “Don’t worry, nothing major is happening. You can go to work tomorrow.” Dustin goes to sleep.
I was waiting for a sign.
I internalized Mariʻs text based on my prior birth experience, where my water broke 18 hours before I went into labor.
So all I read from Mari’s text was, “you still got time. Call us when your water breaks.” That’s not what she said, but that’s what I thought she was saying. Funny how your brain works in labor.
I was waiting for a sign that labor was actually happening. In my first labor, that sign was my water breaking.
So, I continued laboring, by myself, waiting for that sign.
I labored by myself
Everyone in my house was asleep, but I was awake.
I labored by myself through most of the night.
Showers soothed me as the contractions came.
I swayed through the contractions kept my hips loose.
I held on tight to the door frame and bunkered down as the contractions got stronger.
My body knew what to do.
Then I started grunting.
At 10:30pm, my labor got more intense and I couldn’t breathe through the contractions on my own any longer.
My partner heard me grunting and making loud noises in the bathroom. Instead of asking if I was okay, he declared that I was having contractions and in labor.
That was the first time I internalized that fact.
Labor started to get intense.
My water still hadn’t broken. As labor progressed, things were getting really hard for me, and my back was in a lot of pain.
I did as many labor coping strategies as possible. My partner did hip squeezes by applying pressure and massaging the top of my hips to help relieve pressure and open them up. He held me as I hung from his neck, releasing pressure on my back during contractions.
I remembered that my midwife had encouraged me to do cat/cow yoga poses during my first home birth. I breathed through each contraction as I moved through the poses.
It never occurred to me to call my birth attendant to come over because I was still waiting for my water to break. That was my sign that labor was progressing. Since my water hadn’t broken, I still needed to “fill the time.”
Little did I know that I was nearly out of time.
And that was it - it was "go time"
Somewhere between the massages, yoga poses, and wailing, I got the urge to have a bowel movement.
And that was it – it was “go time.”
I got into a side laying, legs up position on the couch and my water broke.
As soon as my water broke, I couldn’t stop the pushing. My baby was coming.
The urge to push overcame me, and there was no stopping my baby from coming into world. It happened in just seconds.
The baby was coming. I panicked.
My partner called the midwife to see if she was coming, but I needed more.
While I was pushing my baby out, I grabbed the phone from my partner to FaceTime with Mari. I just wanted to hear her voice. She spoke to me calmly, and confidently, reassuring me that it would all be fine.
I took a deep breath, and remembered how I could gently control the pushes as my baby made her way out into the world.
My partner saw the crowning of our baby’s full head of hair, while he gently guided her through.
As our newborn slid out, her dad was the first to greet her.
I reached down, grabbed my baby, and put her on my chest.
At 3:19am my baby girl arrived. I couldn’t believe that I just gave birth. I always wanted a girl, but never knew what she would be like. I will never forget that moment when I first saw her, with a full head of spikey hair. It felt like she had so much character already.
I instantly fell in love with her, and knew we would be BFF’s for life.
As soon as the delivery was over, my midwife Mari arrived. She quickly checked the baby, wrapped her up, and helped my partner cut the umbilical cord.
Mari talked me through the delivery of the placenta and made sure it had no tears. She checked my vitals. She took all of our newborn’s measurements and vitals.
Both of us were healthy and safe.
I was full of mixed emotions.
As we debriefed the day’s events with Mari at 4am, I sat with mixed emotions.
I had a sense of disbelief that I just delivered my baby basically by myself. It felt surreal. No one tells you that you can or should have a baby by yourself.
When you think about it, that is what a birthing body is meant to do. Your body knows what to do if you just let it.
Thanks to my first home birth, I was empowered to know that my body did these magnificent feats on its own, and even though I didn’t trust my progress, my mind worked in mysterious ways to support my body through the birthing process.
I gave birth to the baby girl I had always wanted. On.My.Own.
I did it.
I felt like a champ.
The best part of home birth.
At 5:30am, my first born woke up to a new sibling.
This was the best part of home birth:
- Holding my daughter for the first moments of her life.
- Watching my son’s face light up as he met his little sister for the first time, just hours after she was born.
- Hearing my partner shine with pride as he told his version of the birth delivery story.
- Knowing that I could do something so difficult, so challenging, and so magical.
Postpartum was tricky for me.
My mind was quick to recover. I mean, it was the most empowering experience of my life and I felt like a champ. Since I felt more than okay, started doing things around the house like making myself a sandwich or unloading the dishwasher just a day after delivery.
I started to get tension headaches after what felt like just minimal activities.
I shared details about the headaches with my midwife when she did her regular post-partum check-ups and she asked me if I was on bedrest as recommended, or doing stuff.
She obviously knew that I was getting up from bed. I heeded her advice, got a postpartum massage to help with the tension headaches, and tried to keep in mind that I just had a baby and my body needed to rest.
My home birth was the most sacred and special moment of my entire life.
I am so fortunate to be liberated in a way that I have allowed myself the opportunity to trust my body to birth.
I hope other pregnant BIPOC parents consider homebirth as an option. This experience has had a lasting impact on my life, on my family, and on my relationship with my body.
The Homebirth Series was designed to demystify homebirth for BIPOC parents and to share stories of BIPOC homebirths. Please continue the story here:
Jaymee D
Aloha mai Kākou! (Hello to all of you!) Iʻm Jaymee Nanasi Davis. I was born and raised on the island of Oʻahu, living most of my life on the Koʻolau or East side of the island. I live with my boyfriend and the love of my life Dustin Nakayama and our son Mason Nakayama. As a ʻohana (family), we like to engage in Hawaiian cultural activities such as going to the loʻi kalo or taro patches. Weʻre expecting our daughter to arrive around the end of August. To get me through my third trimester during this HOT summer, youʻll find me eating Mango and Lychee, going to the beach, or cruising the indoor air-conditioned mall (lol)!
